And just like that... he's TEN!

Oh man, these posts are such a celebration but also SO hard. I mean, a year.  A YEAR has gone by. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?  And let's not dive too deep into that because that means I'm almost 48!!!

But I love this kid.... BIG TIME

He had 3 basketball games this weekend.  He killed it.  I love watching him play... he's just a natural.  But he's also kind.  If someone gets hurt, he's concerned.  He usually takes a knee but sometimes he's so worried the team has to jar him to do it.  That's something I love about him.

He LOVES his friends. I mean LOVES and it is just the sweetest.  He's a stinker sometimes (who isn't) but he's a great friend that will stand by you, stand up for you and he will love you.  That's something I love about him.

He loves animals.  He sees them, talks about them, recites the 9,000 facts he knows about them.  He loves Baylor, still talks about Aslan and Simba.  Another thing I love about him.

He can apologize and ask for forgiveness.  AT NINE. I mean, WHAAAAT!!?!?!  I am just learning that in my 40's.  I mean anyone can say "I'm sorry" but asking for forgiveness is putting yourself out there (they could say no!) and it's TRULY acknowledging that you believe what you did was wrong. THAT is amazing and something I love about him.

Sometimes I write these posts thinking I'm the only person on the planet (besides my mom) that reads them. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person on the planet that struggles with another year ticking off the clock. He's my ONLY child.  There are no more babies to raise - just him.  And I second guess myself EVERY day.

We had a few hard moments this weekend of butting heads (yeah, I know it's coming) but we get each other so there haven't been many. I was wrong, I had to apologize and ask for forgiveness.  He gave it but man, I felt so much guilt.  All day. And when I saw him I had to talk about it again.  And that night as we said our prayers - again... and he said "Mom! The past is in the past, you are a great mom and I love you - you just haaaave to let it go" Then he proceeded to tell me how I don't ever do anything wrong EXCEPT the time I did "X...then "Y"... then "Z".  Way to kick me when I'm down.  Hahahahahaha

But seriously... he is in a place where what happens next is huge. Changing schools.  The where.  The when.  The how.  It affects his education, his friends, his entire future.  It affects all of it and I don't want to mess it up.

Our family is in a hard place.  And I hope next year when I type this we are a family of 3... I hope we have home filled with love and laughter and the Lord.  The three L's!  Maybe 4... I'd also like LOTS OF ANIMALS (see what I did there!?)

My friend buried her son a few years ago. I think about Sawyer all the time. I think about the gift of aging, watching your children grown. The gift of wrinkled skin and gray hair. It means you GOT TO LIVE.  I don't ever want to be so selfish of so vain that I miss that.  I have a strong, smart, silly, loving, kind, compassionate, wonderful boy that is growing into a man.  I'm trying to be more of a parent than a friend to him (it's hard) and I'm trying to let him lead his own future.

Tristan, I don't want you to like what I like... just because I like it.

I don't want you to desire to see what I want to see, I want you to forge your own path and see the world that is important to you.

I want you to serve this world in a way that fits who God made YOU to be, not because of who I am.

I want you to love with reckless abandon, I want you to fully live and not care what people say, what people think or according to what others need you to be.

My word this year is different. The song "Different" came on the radio the other day and I know that song but that day I KNEW God was telling me to BE and LOOK different to the world.  this is what I pray for you and plan to pray for both of us the rest of the year.

Listen....

DIFFERENT

If I teach you nothing other than this...

Live for an audience of One.  He is the ONLY one that matters because if you are in step with what He is calling you to do... your wife will be loved and well cared for.  Your children will be happy and obedient.  Your friends will feel challenged and loved - even... no especially in their brokenness.

I can't wait to take you to Boston and celebrate.  This seems kind of lame with no party.  Instead, I've wrapped your lunch and every single thing in your backpack up like a present.  

Lunch - wrapped!

Binder and lunchbox after they are wrapped

Snacks...and yes the snack bag IS wrapped too!

He's going to kill me! LOL

You will kill me but that's funny.  and then we have a cookie cake and cookies at basketball but those THINGS can't possibly express to you how much I love you.  How you are the world to me.  How you couldn't make me more proud. I cannot wait to see what 10 has in store... but slow down, just a tad... I have to savor every single second.

I love you.  Mom

PS - had to include his two favorite things.  The iPad and his dog! LOL