A weekend of high emotions

This past week and then weekend was a doozie.  Is that a word?  I don't think so - BUT - you get my point.  It stunk.

Ya know those times when you bear your soul, the hard, the icky stuff that no one really wants to talk about and then someone walks up to your gaping wound and pours salt in it?  Yeah... that happened.

And then, when the people that you are supposed to lean on, love and trust - no matter what - and for the ump-teenth-time they break your heart into tiny pieces?  Yeah, that happened.

And ya know when you do your absolute best and it's not even close to being enough?  Yup, that too.

And then when your most prized person in life isn't fully ok, and you don't know if you should step left or right... so you stand still wear tear stained cheeks and you just wait.  Because that's what He tells you to do.  Wait.  That happened too.

But He does little things...

Like a friend I will never meet this side of Heaven... she sent me this in honor or Aslan and Simba.

This was SUCH a gift to me.

Then I watched a friend in horrible pain juggle a move, a job, being a single parent to 3 kiddos and she just handled it.  And out of all the help I could offer (which wasn't much)... she gives me her dog for a few weeks.  Tiger really is awesome.

and a weekend packed with no sleep, a thousand errands and close to 500 that didn't get done but you drag your "I only got 2 hours of good sleep" self out of bed and spend the morning doing something a little out of the box with your son.  We cooked.

and to see this brings joy to my heart... he shows confidence in reading in groups he doesn't know

and he loved it.  I loved watching him love it.

We had joy.  And we snuggled and laughed.  We did a (not so fun) book report - ok we did PART of it... but still.  

I tried to soak in the little things because the world spinning around me was just too.. well, spinny.

And I'm done for today. Turning off the phone, the computer. I'm turning off my mind.  I want the noise to stop and I need to pray.

I know the only thing I can do for this shattered, torn and beat up heart is to be still.  To find things to be thankful for... gratitude.  Because regardless of the hard, there is good and I will revel in that.

My son made dinner tonight. I told him I wasn't going to eat.  He just looked at me and smiled and kissed me and said "yes, you are mommy. Come on, let's just go eat as a family.  And he grabbed my hand, prayed for me and then, my heart was full.

He is my greatest joy.  Thank you for the work You are doing in him Lord!!  THANK YOU!